It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
