i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
