Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
one two three fourrrrnication!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
