You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
