If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize