Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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