Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
