never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
