weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
