i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
