i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
