cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You did what with his pubic hair?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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