I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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