Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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