So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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