4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize