this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
