Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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