im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
