Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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