They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize