I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
