His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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