Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
