oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize