am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
