If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
