I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
