Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
