entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
