What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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