This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
