I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize