i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
