No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
