I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
