I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
