During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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