i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
