You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
