Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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