...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
