picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
