she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
