I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
