So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
