is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
