sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize