Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
