Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize