The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
