I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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