I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
