I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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