Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
