1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
