I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
