Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
