I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
