he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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