I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
