A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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