I want to have your abortion
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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