yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
