i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
